Tunnel Vision to My Alternate

Daily Prompt: Tunnel Vision – You’ve been given an ability to build a magical tunnel that will quickly and secretly connect your home with the location of your choice – anywhere on earth. Where’s the other end of your tunnel?

The Tunnel to my Alternate

The other end of my tunnel leads to my alternate; the whole and complete me. It will give me the ability to visit the alternate me whenever I please.

Today I am not feeling my worth so I close my eyes and envision my tunnel. I begin walking to the other side for a glimpse of my wholeness.  To remember. To be filled.

I feel her.

I see her.

Just a mere glimpse of her, expands me, fills me.  Standing in her presence, I am no longer feeling drained.  My fear is waning. I am feeling energized.  What a gift not to be tainted by  life or people are my thoughts.  Then she reminds me that it is my  choice to allow my existence to be tainted by every circumstance, every word, every thought, every look.  It is my choice to allow what stays with me today.  “You can do it on the other side” she says. “What you allow in your energy and space is entirely up to you.”

“It is easy when you are alone.” I said softly.

“People are around me just like they are around you on the other side.  The reason you can’t see them is because I don’t allow them to permeate my space so they seem invisible to you.” she said.

Looking closer, I can now see what was hidden from my view: the others’ existence around her. “How is this happening?” I ask.  She replies “Self-worth is never felt through others but only through the shedding of others.  Shedding of their opinions, words, thoughts, and actions.  Then they will seize to exist in your world and your energy too.”

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Now fly, Now fly

Photo credit: Dreamstime © Marilyn Barbone

 

“Sometimes you even have to let go of the one’s you love so you can soar or you’ll always live as if your wings are broken.”  ~ Kadian R Grant

Secret Admirers

You return home to discover a huge flower bouquet waiting for you, no card attached. Who is it from — and why did they send it to you?

I did receive flowers once from a secret admirer, many, many moons ago. I was too young to see or understand this young man’s admiration of me.  We were friends and I was blind to his fondness of me.  When I received the flowers on Valentine’s Day, I enlisted him in trying to help me find out who sent it. Unbeknown to me, it was from him.  When I found out, I was a little embarrassed that I did not see how much he liked and appreciated me.

This post jars my memory and thank you Daily Prompt for that. Others appreciation of us can help us with increasing our self-values. We tend to look for appreciation from the ones who are unable to give it to us and ignore the ones that do.  Sometimes, we get caught up in a web of people that cannot give us what we most need.  It could be many reasons why they cannot.  Maybe because they themselves do not possess the necessary skills or they were never appreciated so they cannot give it to you but the reason is not important.  If you take a broader perspective into this entanglement, you will realize that you are caught up in a web of unappreciative people because you do not know how to appreciate yourself.  You attract what you are emanating.  Staying in this web with the ones who can’t  appreciate you is you stifling your own self-values. You are stuck in a pattern.  When you begin to see this pattern for what it’s been trying to show you all along (your lack of self-worth), you will detangle yourself.

So, what do you do when you are now aware of this? Turn your focus to the people that are appreciating you for you, you owe yourself that.  Basking in the appreciation that you are getting will increase your self-values and you are saying to yourself, “I am worthy and deserving.”  Then, you must no longer make yourself available to those who do not see you (even if they are family).

And as you learn to appreciate yourself more, you will learn to appreciate others more. I can’t turn back time and properly appreciate that young man’s attempt to get me to see him but he is no longer a forgotten memory that I shoved in the back of my mind.  It has now returned to my awareness so when I need to feel appreciated, I can look at it and remembered that someone saw me!

How others see you will shine light on the way you see yourself.

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Interpreting Life’s Interruptions

My son and I pushed, pulled and lifted our old big screen television into my minivan to haul it off to the dump and I was feeling excited about getting rid of old things. While loading up another old television, metals from my previous business, a broken chair and other objects, I was feeling the moment and the space that’s being cleared and created for newness to arrive.  And off we went.

When we arrived at the dump site, it was looking vacant with some containers closed shut and others filled.  I began to wonder if I got the days mixed up. “Are they closed?” I asked rhetorically but my son answered not knowing what kind of question it was, “I don’t know.” Then a man approached my car and asked “What do you have?” “Electronics and metals”, I replied. “Oh so sorry, the electronics container is full for today, you have to come back another day” he said.

Leaving in dismay and thinking how hard we worked to get the stuff in my van, then have to return home, unload it, reload another day, and return to the dump site, I can feel my upset and disappointment. Then I started to voice what I was feeling. “This is just super. I don’t understand, blah, blah, blah”, as I complained about the situation I was in.

Unable to bear it any longer, my son turns to me and said “Mom, I am very happy right now. I’ve been happy all week and I want to stay happy. Just leave the TV in the car and on Saturday we can come back and dump it. It’s really not a big deal.”

Have you ever had such an interruption that you didn’t know how to respond so you just kept silent? Yeah, it was one of those moments for me. So, in my silence I decided to interpret what was happening even though I was feeling defensive for a minute because my son didn’t agree with me or partake in my rant. Wow! I thought. Life just interrupted my spewing and this was a teaching moment for me being given by a 19 year old. As I shifted gears and decided to be a student for a moment, I realized how I was making such a big deal out of something so small. “Is this worth descending my happiness ladder?” The answer an absolute, resounding NO! I turned to my son and said “You’re right honey, this is not worth me losing my happiness and endangering yours. So thank you for reminding me that being in a happy state was more important.”

As we drove the rest of the way home, I listened attentively to my son talk about how great his week has been. We laughed, I congratulated him on his victories and felt grateful for our time together.

Larger interruptions are more noticeable such as a death, a serious illness, or job loss.  But if we can notice the tinier interruptions, the ones that trigger our defenses to go up then we can let our defenses down slowly so we can find out what we ought to learn in the moment.  This will help us change not only our state of being but will allow us to get to know ourselves more deeply.  When someone doesn’t share your view on something, you can become defensive and disagreeable which is normal for most people but that’s when you need to pay attention. Life is interrupting. Become an interpreter and try to find out what it is saying to you? Calling you towards? Showing you?  Because life is always, always calling you towards a higher state of being.

Thanks my son.

Robin Williams

Loved him as a human being.  Loved him more as a soul who made millions of other souls chuckled or laughed until their stomachs hurt.  I know a lot about depression because I was clinically depressed once.  I had all of the signs except for the suicidal tendencies but I did want to leave my life.  I just wanted to walk out of my body and reality and become someone else.  I wanted to run away.

I didn’t know at the time who or what could fix me and I don’t know what could’ve helped soulful Robin choose differently or anyone who chooses to leave the planet this way.  But pondering about Robin, I remembered what drove me to be well nearly twenty years ago.  What was the fuel behind me getting better without the use of antidepressants or without me thinking about the end the way Robin thought about the end.  My fuel was my children.  I wanted to be better for them. I wanted them to have a better mom.  And I wanted to fix this just in case one day if they ever encounter life so hopeless, I can say, mom knows exactly what you’re going through and I am here for you.

As I think back to nearly two decades ago, that was the start of my happiness climb.  I grabbed my happiness ladder with every might I had left in me to be better for my children.  That was the beginning of Climbing Your Happiness Ladder: Shedding the Unfulfilled, Disconnected You.  Why some of us choose to go this way and why some choose to fight is a question that cannot be answered because every soul is uniquely wired.  What worked for me might not work for you or Robin.  But if you can find something, something to charge your battery so your light doesn’t totally go out will move you further away from the hopefulness that depression brings on and closer to hope.

What can be your fuel today so the next hour of your life feels a little lighter and your tomorrow be a little brighter for you?  What can ease your mind and take you away from your reality for a moment?  Take the step.  You’re like a baby learning to walk again.  You will stagger and stumble but keep getting up.  Find something or someone to hold on to before you hit the ground.  Your legs will become strong again and know that it is okay to stumble and start over until you can totally stand on your own.  You are loved and appreciated even though you don’t feel that way right now.  You just can’t see it this minute but one day your eyes will reopen to that love and appreciation that you couldn’t see when your eyes were closed.  Every step counts in mental illness.  Every smile you crack in this moment invites the emotion of happiness in.  It is not to be entirely happy in the next moment.  It is a process that develops over time.  Keep on getting up, keep on trying until you can stand firm again.

Robin Williams, I respect your choice to leave us and how you chose to do it was entirely up to you.  We are just having a hard time because we loved and appreciated you so much.  I just wished you felt how much we adored you.

Take Care My Brother,

Life’s Awaken Kisses

Before you entered into this world, you were filled with glee, anticipating that grand adventure as you slide down your birth canal to your incarnation. When you arrived, your greeters shifted into gear molding your fate and planning your destiny. The continuum of your life (controlled by others) is your poison apple and as life becomes overwhelming, you take a final bite and fall into a deep sleep waiting for true love’s kiss to awaken you.

Don’t you love those stories with the happy endings? Wanting to be the princess waiting to be awakened by your prince’s kiss or being the prince, looking to rescue his princess. You can either be the victim and stay asleep to life, blaming evil along the way or be a savior, always looking for someone to save. But there is another option, another side I urge you to look at. This option allows you to take charge of your life and be your own savior, not waiting for anyone to rescue you or looking for someone to rescue.

You are called to be the hero and lead in your own story and to be awaken by the original true love’s kiss…life. If you are attentive and receptive, you can feel life’s kisses all the time, all around you. In every breath you take, through the beauty of an evening sunset, the greeting of an animal after a short absence, the resonance of a word, or the laugh of a child. Moment by moment you can feel its tender lips touch you through your emotions and the many opportunities it presents for you to choose. Every time life embraces you, you are being given an opportunity to awaken, to remember the eagerness you felt before this incarnation.

While waiting for your prince or looking for your princess, you are descending your happiness ladder and as he or she arrives, you are not awaken to your life but still asleep in that reality that’s continually being designed for you. When you are awaken by life’s true kisses, you will become more and more conscious of your life and active in your life and ascension of your happiness ladder will occur.

Let life’s kisses awaken you to your very own dwarfs inside of you.  It is giving you the opportunity to connect with your inner Doc (your inner guru), reminding you that your consciousness spreads beyond this world. Whenever your inner Grumpy (undesirable emotions) presents itself, life is trying to deepen your awakening.  Accept its kiss and don’t allow your inner Bashful (fear) to take over and hold you back from this grand adventure you were anxious to experience before birth.  And don’t allow your inner Sneezy (personal growth allergen) to make you run to your escapism and avoid living, confining your soul and stunning your evolution.  If you ignore your undesirable emotions, your inner Sleepy (the unawaken you) will lead you into slumber once again.  Determine to succeed so you can meet your inner Dopey (the unique individual that you are), and as you climb out of that slumber and up your happiness ladder, you’ll meet your inner Happy (authentic happiness).  Life is about tilling your own individual mine so you can discover your own treasures that got buried under the rubble of life the moment you arrived here.

Heigh-Ho, Heigh- Ho

Welcome…

I created this blog to inspire. This is your space for inspiration. Inspire you to desire aliveness in your life. To never stop wanting more. To crave greatness. To continue on your journey. To pick you up when you tire. To open not just your eyes but your heart.

At times I will be a messenger of inspiring words, provocation of the discomfort that’s sitting within you, help you find focus, motivate when needed, inspire when necessary, and encourage connection to the uniqueness that you are.

Come here to find the quench in your thirst, the found in your lost, the feed in your hunger or the locator in your seek.

We all need those things along the stages of our journey. I do too and for me, writing is the main tool but not the only tool I use to satisfy what is needed in the moment and it allows me to share that satisfaction.

Reminding You of Your Greatness